dhfa

I was up to 112.9 last week, but i dropped down just a little again this week. However, for the whole of January, i gained over 4 pounds which is the best i’ve done since school started. However, it wasn’t enough! Me and my grandma had bet going, if she could lose more than i gained. Last week she was just barely in the lead and then she got sick! And when you get sick, you shed weight like crazy. Combine that with my less than stellar performance and i lose. Bummer dude. Guess i have to go to Vita Felice, best italian place around, instead of Umi (winner picked the restaurant). I’m suffering terribly.

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Imani

For the most part, yours was one of the best so far, but there were a few slip-ups. You accidentally inserted learning activity in place of application, which threw a couple people off, but that’s nothing major. I know everyone else started their speech the same way, but that’s a problem. A hook or a different way to start your speech rather than the generic, I wasn’t sure what i wanted to do, would’ve been better, but once again its small peanuts. The last is you started to falter a little at the end and became unsure of what you were going to say, your “basically that” moment.

Besides those few hiccups though, it was great. The singing at the end was an awesome way to end it and get everyone engaged and excited. You did read your paper a little bit, but you still managed to make eye contact at least half the time. Similarly, you did use your hands, but not out of control, which is much better than just standing there like a post. Great job!

Me

That actually went really well. I did use like a little more than i would have wanted. At the beginning it looked like my leg was going to start doing something funny, but it stopped. Also, i did make eye contact, but only with one part of the crowd, I didn’t really look around. However, I was really pleased with the way i began it, which was far different than everyone else’s and more interesting. Also, i managed to get a couple good laughs so i must have been doing something right and keeping people engaged. I think i did a good job of getting my point across without being to terse or babbling on too. All in all, i think it worked out pretty good.

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Last night, my mom said something to the extent of tomorrow had better be  a hallelujah moment. Ever since school started, I’ve yo-yoed around from 109-107 and last week i was down to 107.6 pounds again. I hadn’t even broke 110 yet, my goal for the end of the summer, the closest i had gotten was 109.8. Then this morning, i could hardly believe my eyes. I had gained 4.1 pounds!!! I’m now 111.7 and officially over 110, only 3.3 pounds away from my goal. My weight range is about 110-120 and i’d really like to get firmly in the middle, but for now i’m just excited to have finally gotten out of this rut and hope the scale didn’t have malfunction.

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I’ve registered at the website and have some good ideas going. Here’s a quick blurb on a few of my ideas

Media avoidance challenge- media is largely responsible for eating disorders. Basically this would be a challenge to avoid popular media for the day and reflect on how all the mediua pushing for the “perfect health and body” affects people.

Get cooking- i would make a variety of treats, healthy and unhealthy, to promote the idea that all things are good in moderation.

Create a poll to see ow many people are affected by eating disorders, have disordered eating, know people who do etc.

Do a fun inside out day- wear clothes inside out ot represent its what inside that counts. Can write good qualities on clothes.

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I’m getting really frustrated with this book idea. I can write at some times, but its difficult to keep it coherent and clump ideas together and i find myself repeating. I’m thinking of maybe switching gears and doing more of a journal thing. Maybe i could start a website instead where i could share my story, post advice etc. that people could use and maybe even use me as a contact. Kind of like an open forum for people with eating disorders or affected by them to discuss.

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Well i have had root beer, donuts, alfredo, all that good stuff over the past couple of weeks, but last weight in, I dropped weight. I can eat anything now, but gaining weight is still a huge struggle. I’ve done a little writing on my book, but I need to be doing more. It’s really hard to keep on it with school work and then only having one Senior exhibit meeting every other week, it kind of slips to the back burner. The other issue is what Natalie has been talking about with erasing the stigma. There are some people who i know understand and its easy to share with them. Then you have the vast majority who have no clue. Even i still struggle with the bad aura surrounding the idea of an eating disorder. I don’t really like sharing the info with people i don’t trust or just talking about it casually. Despite the fact that eating disorders are on the rise and probably a lot more common than most people realize, they’re one of the biggest taboos around. Our society breeds them and shuns them. That’s the real problem, but its no quick fix. Oh well, food for thought.

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I’m still holding around 109. I’m technically in a healthy range, but am trying to get to 110 to be more in the middle and eventually get to 115. The closer i get though, the slower it seems to go. I did some brainstorming and have a rough outline of what i want to write about in my book and how to lay it out etc. If anyone has any ideas feel free to comment.

1. Stigma, recognizing a problem, looking for help
   1. People think ED is terrible yucky, don’t let that discourage

i.      Only happens to certain people, perfectionist etc. plenty of amazing people would never know they had a problem

ii.      Don’t have to tell the world if uncomfortable, but need to tell someone because are going to need support and someone to watch you to get through parts

1. Don’t let criteria be an excuse, also doesn’t have to be full blown ED to need help

i.      Little things can grow into problems, refuse to eat certain foods, food rules etc.

ii.      The sooner its caught the easier to get out of the hole, just b/c you aren’t thin as a rail yet doesn’t mean should get help

iii.      Hard to recognize the problem, you aren’t in control of your own mind and ca n tell things aren’t working out, but can’t seem to change it

1. Family and doctor are best places to start

i.      Need someone to help you

1. Best to meet with family and doctor
   1. Let doctor tell you what to do, they know what is best
   2. Let family know what is going on maybe meet with doctor occasionally, but don’t let them be in charge of recovery, it can already damage family relationships and can be even more so if they try and take charge or do what they think will help, its better to just play a supporting role
2. Understanding it, what is it
   1. Unless you’ve been there, can never fully understand

i.      Other people say, just eat, you don’t have to go run 10 miles in the rain etc., to them its common sense

1. Irrational thoughts become so prevalent to the person they are normal and to them are rational
2. Orthorexia is an obsession with being healthy

i.      Exercise, always exercising, even if you don’t want to or are tired b/c feel like you have to, only happy when exercising or after

ii.      Only allow yourself to eat “healthy: foods

iii.      Have food rules, eat at certain times, amounts, etc.

iv.      Can be a pathway to anorexia, loss of weight etc.

1. My experience
   1. How I started

i.      Cooking healthy

ii.      Adopted food and exercise rules

iii.      Increased exercise

1. Recognizing problem

i.      Weight loss

ii.      Compulsion to exercise

iii.      Refusal to eat certain foods

iv.      Get really full on low calorie foods

v.      Body image, six pack etc.

vi.      Have to follow routine or get whacked out

vii.      Can never relax, only permit semi-relaxation after keeping routine but even then always on edge,

viii.      short temper, can’t be content, isolated

ix.      health problems

1. Recovery

i.      Ask for help

ii.      Its going to suck no doubt about it, things get worse before they get better, first month or so is awful, but afterwards everything trends upwards

iii.      Dietitian and psychologist have best interests in mind, really hard to believe sometimes because of irrational thoughts and routines that have become so normal and dependent on

iv.      Take it one step at a time

1. Don’t try to completely alter diet or exercise routine all at once
2. Slowly increase portions back to normal size if restricting
3. Add new foods slowly that once would not eat

v.      Depending on current condition, may have to dramatically cut exercise, lots of people are told to go cold turkey, in the long run probably better, but I didn’t, decreased from huge to 30 min 3 times a week, but now I don’t feel that same compulsion.

vi.      Have to do it, if the result is completely awful, lose all your muscle gain 30 pounds in two days, then you say, see I was right, but it won’t happen and then will gain confidence to keep going

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I’ve figured out where i want to go with my senior exhibit for the rest of the project. I am planning on writing a book that gives a personal account of my experience as well as information etc. to the general public. The last week of February is National Eating Disorders Awareness week and i plan on doing events etc. at school, but may just have to do it a different week if there are winter break conflicts.

Besides that, things are going really well with my dietitian and psychologist. I am 109.4 and 110 is the goal my dietitian had for me. I posted I was 109 or so earlier, but we switched to taking my weight in the morning which dropped the number by about 3 pounds.  AT my last meeting with Amy, the psychologist, she remakred that i was doing remarkably well and at our next meeting to bring my parents along for a sort of evaluation. Maybe the end is near! She said htere are still times where i need to challenge things, but other than that my thinking and emotional state etc. is pretty solid.

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I have always had excellent time management skills and self-motivation. On the other hand, i have had to work extremely hard to break out of my shell and am still uncomfortable speaking in front of groups of people. For this reason, I’m leaning towards writing a book concerning my experience and really giving insight as to what an eating disorder is. Also, i hope to organize events for National Eating Disorders Awareness week, which is during the last week of February. This way i can fully utilize my writing and organizational skills.

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When school started we switched to taking my weight in the morning, which caused it to drop several pounds, but i’m up to 108.9 now. The first time it was 106.6 and then only up to 106.8, but now i’ve got it rolling. I’m still not sure really where i want to go with an application. Maybe do something about balancing exercise and nutrition. Writing something about eating disorders and guys and bringing in someone to talk? Do something for the national eating disorder day in march? The only thing i hate about all this is the stress. Instead of hearing a voice telling me i need to do this or don’t eat that, i’am always freaking out, did i eat enough, what is the Dr. going to tell me this time!? I feel fine and i wish i could just let go of Dr.s and just have them there as something i can go back to, but right now it just always stresses me out.

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